This page deals with  emotional well-being.

Your doctor has told you you need ostomy surgery, or maybe you've had an ostomy for a little while, and you've got questions! Who do you ask? Where do you turn? No problem, I've got ya covered! Speaking from my personal experience and several years of talking to kids, teens and older folks, I've got the scoop on how to deal with just about any situation.

My name is Courtney Francoeur, I'm 20 years old and in my second year as a psychology major at the University of Western Ontario in London. On March 3, 1999, at the age of 15, I had to have a subtotal colectomy with a temporary ileostomy because of Ulcerative Colitis. My journey continues in May of 2004 when I'll have my ileostomy reversed into a J-pouch. Through experience, a positive attitude and appreciation for life, through trial and error, and by talking to other people, I learned how to cope and succeed with my ostomy, and I'd like to pass along some of my advice.

How to Reach Me

If you have any more questions, please feel free to contact me either by email at or by posting a note to me in the discussion forum. If you post your note in the discussion forum, people all over the world will also get the chance to benefit from your question. But if you don't feel comfortable posting it to the public, just email me personally. I check my email and the discussion board almost daily, so you'll get a quick response. Can't wait to chat. Best wishes and remember ... never keep your poop to yourself!


Hi! My name is Nicole Dodds. I'm 12 years old and in Grade 7. On June 26, 2003, at the age of 11, I had to have an ileostomy because of Crohn's Disease and Ulcera- tive Colitis. If you like, you can learn more about me and my journey by reading my personal story, which can be found in the Young Ostomates section of this site.

Through personal experience and the support of my family, I learned how to cope and succeed with my ostomy, and I'd like to pass along some of my advice. On April 24, 2004, I became a certified visitor in LDOA's Patient Visiting Program, and I look forward to helping kids who are new or about-to-be ostomates adjust to this new stage in life.

• FAQ added February 10, 2004
• FAQ updated April 24, 2004

Topics Discussed in the FAQ

Food and Eating Activities
Blockages School
General Health Emotional Well-Being
Lifestyle Family, Friends and Dating

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Emotional Well-Being

Why me? Why do I have to be different?
How do I handle being different from my peers?
What do I do if they laugh at me because I have medical problems?
What do I do If I'm depressed or feeling really lonely?



Why me? Why do I have to be different?
Courtney • "Why me?" is a question that is asked by just about everybody at some point. I know I asked this question several times and couldn’t understand why I was being picked on. I know this sounds cliche, but it does make you a stronger person in the long run. I do believe that this happens to a person for a reason, and you have to figure out that reason on your own. While it does feel like you're being picked on, being different is a good thing and most people I know who have ostomies really enjoy becoming involved with the London & District Ostomy Association (whose site you're visiting right now), Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America, Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of Canada, M&M Meats BBQs, or just talking to other people. Getting involved also helps you become aware that there are lots of other people out there just like you who also have to go through some hardships in life, but for each person there is a different reason why they are stronger and how they succeeded.

  


How do I handle being
different from my peers?
Courtney • Being different and having an ostomy isn’t a bad thing. You will gain so much knowledge and other skills from this experience. It certainly has made me a stronger person! It can show you what's important in life despite what you thought before. I think being different is awesome because I used to be the most shy person ever, and being ill and almost dying made me realize that I wasn’t living my life to the fullest. Today, I am not the person I wanted to be before my surgery. So I hope you will accept being different and embrace it and learn from it.

Nicole • You would probably act the same way that you normally do with your peers, just be a little bit more cautious.

  


What do I do if they laugh at me
because I have medical problems?
Courtney • Laugh back! I was teased all the way through school for my bathroom problems but way back then I didn’t know anything was wrong and neither did anyone else. Kids are cruel and the only way to get them to stop teasing is to either ignore them and not give them the reaction they're hoping for, or else join them! Make your illness a non-issue. If you have an ileostomy or colostomy, you could say things like, "At least I won’t get stuck in the bathroom for hours because I choose to go when I want to go!" Or when someone blames a fart on ya, say "Remember, I can't do that." Or you can say, "You just scared the crap/pee out of my ostomy!" LOL

Nicole • Whether they want to admit it or not, almost every family has had at least one sort of disease involving a relative(s). Never stoop to their level. I’m not saying not to stand up for yourself, but you shouldn’t let them humiliate you either. If they laugh at you, they aren’t true friends.

  


What do I do If I'm depressed
or feeling really lonely?
Courtney • Find a friend – anyone – and just talk! Tell them everything you're feeling. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, then write your feelings down in a diary, a journal, or in a letter to yourself. Never keep it inside. The best thing to do would be to talk to another person who has an ostomy, someone's who's been where you are now. If your feelings are really bothering you, you can email me any time at and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Remem- ber ... you are NEVER alone, and there are lots of wonderful people to talk to just like you!

Nicole • You could maybe just have a fun day for you, like go shopping, get a bite to eat, catch a flick, or visit relatives and talk about why you feel this way. Try not to let having an ostomy decrease your self-esteem.